With apologies to Meredith Wilson:
Well, either you’re closing your eyes
To a situation you do now wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
By the presence of Wiffle Ball in your community.
Ya got trouble, my friend, right here,
I say, trouble right here in Greenwhich CT.
Why sure I’m a Good American,
Certainly mighty proud I say
I’m always mighty proud to say it.
I consider that the hours I spend
With a bat in my hand are golden.
Help you cultivate sportsmanship
And pass the time away.
Never take and try to give
have some fun and steal
a base.
But just as I say,
It takes judgement, brains, and maturity to score
In a ball game,
I say that any boob kin take
and build a field.
And they call that sloth.
The first big step on the road
To the depths of deg-ra-Day–
I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon,
Then beer from a bottle.
An’ the next thing ya know,
Your son is playin’ for money
with a crooked hat
And list’nin to some big out-a-town coach
Hearin’ him tell about scholarships and going to college
And not paying for that college with all your blue blood money. NO!
