Right off the bat, I expect comments on this post. If you are one of the following: My parents, my cousins, one of my good friends from high school, an old friend from the “of the Garden State” days, a close friend from college, or friends in the years since Emerson – who have children – I hold you as the prime example for good parents. If there were more like you, America may not be so messed up. Nat & Em… with 6 months to go, you are already on the Good Parents List.
I have been doing quite a bit of traveling over the past three years, some for pleasure and mostly for work. I am not as frequent a traveler as my brother, who flies to Texas so much, that I am positive the Newark to Dallas or Houston crews knows him by name.
I consider myself a good traveler. I am not afraid to fly and I can get through a security line with little hassle. Occasionally TSA likes to pay a little closer attention to me (some say it’s my eyes), and I don’t mind. At one point being taken into the “special room” at Newark was the most action I had seen in months. You learn little travel tricks, such as the best times to fly out (avoid first thing in the morning near any school break time), how to pack and what car rental companies not only give you the best deals, but also enable you to circumvent the usual lines.
The first leg of the recent Vegas/Grand Canyon trip started with me breaking the “no first thing in the morning during a break” rule. I had no real control of the outbound flight to Vegas, since my folks booked the flight. Yep. I flew out with Mom and Dad.
Flying out with my parents was fine. My dad is an efficient traveler as well and my mom over packs. But I knew this, and was prepared. My mother, God bless her, over packs for everything. Going to see relatives for one day? She has 2 bags, and a purse. This is the same woman who has been diligently preparing for the end of days since the oil shortage of 1979, by stockpiling food, water and enough dry goods to keep a family of 10 going for years. The Coca Cola may be a bit flat… but it is at the ready.
In 2009, each trip I have taken has found me slightly less patient with those around me whom I do not know.
My trip to LA in March, saw me sitting between two heavy women who sneezed through the whole flight. If I believed in the power of placebo, I would have downed Airborne by the fistful. In April, on a return flight from LA, I was stuck on a flight full of chatty Girl Scouts. I learned that I do not like chatty Girl Scouts, not one bit.
Now for the point of the post: parenting. From where I sit, there are four major perspectives one can have on parenting: being a raised by parents, being parents, being grandparents and watching how other people parent.
Having been raised by two loving parents, and not having any children of my own, I fit squarely in two of the parenting categories.
Some of my dearest friends have children and when I watch how they care for and teach their children, my faith that society will carry on and civilization will continue thrive is deepened. Then, sometimes I see how other people parent and my faith is a bit shaken. I can understand why the French hate us so much… nope, I still can’t figure that one out.
So, as someone who has no children of his own, but who has taught, coached, guarded lives, was an American Red Cross licensed babysitter over 20 years ago, and will undoubtedly be known as the “cool uncle,” I have some guidelines for a portion of American parents I have encountered of late:
1. Children should not run up and down the aisles of an airplane. I know that kids get restless and that part of being a child is the urge to explore. However it is also part of being a child, to discover in quiet contemplation. Train your child to do so while flying.
2. If I ask your child, politely, as I would you, to stop kicking the back of my seat on airplane, do not glare at me. If you kicked the back of my seat repeatedly, I would ask you in the same kind tone, to stop. I have every right to speak to your child and ask him to stop.
3. When in line, it is not “cute” how your child likes to keep knocking into me. Once is an accident, more than that is just annoying. When you know she is doing it on purpose and do nothing, that only shows her you have no thought to the people around you.
4. If you and your family are on a tram, or bus and it is crowded, please keep your offspring with you. It may seem obvious, much like item #1, but one would be surprised at how may children run the ailses of the tour bus.
5. When visiting a national park, such as, say the Grand Canyon, you really want to keep your kids close to you. Again, one may think this is intuitive – but having spent several days there last week, I am amazed at how many kids were just running around the rim’s edge.
6. Restaurants are not playgrounds. Neither are stores, hotel hallways or parking lots. The yard outside the hotel, that is a playground.
7. The tour guide, waitress, flight attendant and clerk are not here to amuse your child, or watch them while you – take pictures, eat, sleep or shop. If you wanted to do those things by yourself, hire a babysitter. There are thousands of kids saving up for the Prom who can use the work.
8. If your child misbehaves, discipline them. Sure, hitting is out of vogue, but grounding isn’t.
9. Your child’s teacher’s job is to TEACH them about the next round of skills they need in life after manners, how to chew and tie a shoe.
10. When your child gets into trouble at school, it really may be their fault. Stop blaming the teacher all the time. I remember a time when we would bribe a principal to not call home. My teacher friends tell me that kids actually dare them to call home, so their dad can yell. Law & Order: SVU is nothing like real life.
For each family of obnoxious children, I realized that the parents were usually selfish and not caring. These were the adults who were more concerned with how they looked, how long the line took and why the airline had run out of Miller Lite. Just a thought… should be drunk on a flight while your “little darling” kicks my seat? Maybe you should, oh I don’t know… attempt to parent?
I have nothing against family, or people having kids. If more young families could be like my cousin’s, or some of my dear friend’s, then we may just be allright.
Now… all you loud kids get off my blog!
